I left the love of my life because I thought I could do better. Now I'm childless and alone at 42

By KAREN CROSS

PUBLISHED: 17:01 EST, 16 January 2013 | UPDATED: 17:01 EST, 16 January 2013

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Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness. 

Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Quite simply, he was my soulmate. 

Karen Cross regrets leaving her first love and mistook contempt for unhappiness

We were desperately in love and had our future life together mapped out. 

First we  would save to buy our own home, then would come a romantic wedding ceremony and children would follow. 

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It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself  single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?

Happier times: Karen Cross with her former partner Matthew, who she thought was 'the one'

Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me.
Only there wasn't. 

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill. But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263518/I-left-love-life-I-thought-I-better-Now-Im-childless-42.html#ixzz2IS7yFHMt