Three Cheers for the End of Courtship?

Posted on January 16, 2013

By: Caitlin Seery

We are all up in arms about courtship this week, it seems. Over at the New York Times they’re lamenting its demise while cheers of good riddance can be heard from the female millennials over atSlate and HuffPo.

The debate has gone something like this:

“Texting and Words with Friends and Grouper have ruined courtship.”

“Hooray that texting has sent courtship packing. We never wanted it anyway. Now we can be free to date however we want without artificial gender norms!”

“But it would be nice to go on a real date. One where the guy shows up at some point.”

“I’m SO glad I don’t have to sit through fancy meals like women used to be forced to do. What a relief.”

Nothing we haven’t heard before, of course.  As a fellow single millennial female college-educated where the hook-up scene was second to none, I can’t help but notice a rather gaping hole in this conversation. It’s been entirely focused on “dates” as in the activities. But what about “dates” as in thepeople? Isn’t getting to know people what the whole process is supposed to be about in the first place?

Let’s back up for a second. This conversation is about courtship, right? You know, that old fashioned way young men and women met, got to know one another, got to know one another’s families, shared laughs and adventures, talked about life, and ultimately decided whether they wished to marry each other – and either did so or moved on. (Christmas wasn’t that long ago – think of George and Mary’s romance in It’s a Wonderful Life. That’s courtship.) So I guess that’s what we’re talking about. I guess that’s all gone. I guess no one’s going to lasso the moon for me. I think I can live with that.

Read more at the Love and Fidelity Network.